First, I want to say that for those of you who are shocked or bothered by this structure of relationship that I discuss, notice that while it may seem 'perverse' to you at first glance, note that it is verrrry similar, in most respects, to what many Christians refer to as a "taken in hand" relationship, except that we use labels such as "Daddy" and "Baby Girl." Otherwise, the relationship dynamics are very similar, except we aren't living this structure by "God's command," but because it is the right structure for us. Additionally, we don't try to convert others to our way of being.
Ironically, at the same time, those in the BDSM or D/S community would recognize this as basically a D/S relationship, except that it is restricted in many ways, and again, we use the labels of "Daddy" and "Baby Girl" to define the structure more easily.
That said, let me try to anticipate questions about this lifestyle.
I suppose the first thing one would ask is "Why? Why a baby girl? Don't you want to be a grown woman?" And next, "What is this Daddy's girl thing? Do you need/want someone controlling you? Is this some kind of sick and incestuous relationship?"
Those are fair questions. I'll try to explain some of that herein, but suspect it will take more than one post in which to do so.
First, though, "Yes, I want to be and AM a grown woman. In fact, I am a leader in work life, and have always been in positions of extreme responsibility. I have a successful and very public career. My life is overall quite fulfilling, filled with engaging work, loving friendships, family, joy, and creativity. My Daddy-Baby Girl relationship just further enhances it."
And, as for controlling me... first you must look at the nature of control. Is it really control when someone is focusing on your heart's desire, when everything is structured around what you most want, on fulfilling your dreams? Really, all the attention is focused on the baby girl. Living in a Daddy-Baby Girl relationship takes a LOT of effort on the part of the Daddy. He focuses all his attentions on her, helping guide her through life.
Is it controlling if I'm not being made to do anything I don't want to do?
People interpret controlling as violent or oppressive. There is nothing I would term violence or oppression in our relationship. It is warm, loving, dynamic, and engaging. I don't feel victimized, oppressed, or 'brainwashed' - in fact I intentionally sought out this type of relationship. Furthermore, I have never felt so free in my entire life, as I do now, within the confines of this relationship.
Now, finally, the question of incest, etc. My "Daddy" is nothing like my biological father. There is no transference here, no incestuous thoughts. They are nothing alike whatsoever, and I am not looking for him to replace some twisted element in my life. It is merely the way in which we relate to one another, as leader and follower, but with a lot more than that going on - with, in fact - warmest elements of nurturing, love, affection, and adoration. I understand this may be difficult to grasp, but perhaps if you learn more about me, you can come to a clearer understanding of how this came to be.
Perhaps some background will help you better understand how I can come to this kind of life.
When I was young, I was treated like a princess, spoiled in every sense of the world. I worked as a child model (I ate up the glamour and attention), took dance and music lessons, and was dressed in the girliest of frilly clothes. I had an imagination that could run rampant, and I used it to dream up all sorts of fairy tale wonder. I adored my barbie and baby dolls alike, and loved nothing more than dressing them up and caring for them. I loved, too, putting ribbons in my hair, and playing with my mother's makeup. Dressup was de rigeur, and I loved making myself look like the old time movie stars I would see on the films my parents loved to watch.
Then, early on in grammar school, the 'triplets' came along. Three new babies entered our household in 16 months time. Mother suffered post patum depression and a back injury thanks to a car accident. She fell into a valium induced haze, and I, a very young child, fell to playing a serious caretaker to the babies, waking up in the middle of the night to give them bottles or change them, playing with them after school, and so forth. I would do endless loads of laundry, too - baby diapers, clothing, and crib sheets, mainly. I would barely be able to keep my eyes open in school. Not a great way to enjoy third grade.
I began to miss more and more school, as I was kept at home to help out. Grades began to slip as teachers questioned why I had to take so many sick days. But - I looked sick, so they didn't push too hard in their queries. Exhaustion can do that to you, even at that young an age.
Do you hear this? I became the quintessential 'Parentified Child.' My life, by third grade, had grown full of very adult responsibilities. On top of that, my parents let me know fully of the financial struggles they were enduring, which put pressure on me. I kept thinking I could model more to help, but modeling had become a thing of the past, as mother had no more time to take me on casting calls, thanks to her medical issues, and the entre of the 'triplets.' But perhaps what is most relevant in this explanation is the PERCEPTION I was living with: Even though I was only in the third grade, I already felt like coming up with a solution to family money problems was MY JOB. I had been overtaken by a deep sense of responsibility. Childhood had become a distant memory, I was facing adult issues now, feeling they belonged to me.
There was something else, too. All the glamour had slipped out of my life. There was no time, or room, for dressup play, or fairy tales. I felt like Cinderella, though. Except - I loved the 'triplets'. So I didn't mind.
By age 11 I had my first job. From there on out I held multiple jobs, juggling work, school, and helping out at home. However, in my teen years, though I worked and stayed in school, I fell in with a bad crowd, seduced by the night club scene of NYC. I witnessed there some of the strangest things one could ever imagine. And one thing that seemed true was that boys were out only to use girls.
However, I was already thick skinned, having stuffed away my own desires for so long by then, as is typical for a "Parentified Child."
In my teen years I took on increasingly larger roles of responsibility, running a Meals on Wheels organization in my region (if I messed up, infirm people could go hungry!); managing a business; keeping up my grades; working multiple jobs. The responsibility kept piling on.
Soon my career began budding, and with it came the increasing pressure of more responsibility.
But I digress. I had mentioned how in my teen years I had noted that boys tended to try and use girls. I had already become thick-skinned due to the weight of responsibility that had fallen on my shoulders at such a young age, but the male/female relationships I witnessed and experienced made my skin even thicker. I stuffed all my tenderness, all my femininity, deep inside, as I hardened my outer shell to become a tough, independent, successful, woman of the world.
I locked my uber-feminine girlie girl heart away, somewhere deep inside my soul, and took on the world.
The world is very scary for girls. I already had a sense of that, but when I was violently raped at 18, I learned the lesson on an even deeper level.
As the years passed, and my career thrived, and I became more educated, traditionally, and by life, I learned that life seems to ALWAYS be rough for girls. And I grew painfully aware of the hurt and discord that seemed to exist between the genders. Did this have to be so, though? Were men really the enemy?
I wanted to learn, desperately, about Male Love, in a very real and honest way. I wanted to find a man who would teach me that Man could be a strong and equal counterpart, meeting Woman measure for measure on honest, even ground.
I feel people misunderstand power in the world. Equality is not about each party playing the same role. It is about Man coming into the relationship with the most honest expression of Maleness, and the Woman coming into it with the most honest expression of Femininity.
I longed for a man whom I could respect to the point where I could let all the walls I'd built around me crumble, so that the feminine aspect that lived deep inside me could break free, and express herself in all her wondrous glory.
However, that would take a man I could respect enough to allow me to become completely vulnerable.
It took many, many years, but I finally found him. And something happened as those walls began to slip away. It was as if I went through a regression of sorts. I still retained all my "Power" and "Independence" in the world, per se, but at the same time, Femininity burst forth from deep within me, as I grew softer and softer. Under the protection and guidance of Male Love in its truest expression, I was able to let go of the hardened shell that existed around my heart. I was able to release the feeling that I must always be in charge, or the sky would fall (all Parentified Children seem to struggle with this issue). I began to learn trust on the deepest of levels, and I learned of the importance of surrender, or submission.
This doesn't mean I am handing my life over to someone else to do with what he wants. It means I am saying, "I have met someone I love, and respect and admire on the deepest of levels. He is ethical, his values are steeped in integrity. He has a pervasive sense of responsibility, wisdom, and tenacity, and the ability to be firm and decisive, even in a crisis" and that I feel that this person is someone I can trust to steer the cart as we make this journey down the pathway of life.
Think about that: If you get into a car to take a trip, how many people can steer at once? If two different people could steer at the same time, the wheels would get all locked up as you are unlikely to have perfectly matched timing. However, if you agree you both want to go to Point B, and that you are going to take path 1 to get there, can you not then trust your partner to get behind the wheel and get you there? Sure there could be mishaps on the way - he could get lost for a bit (though he is likely to always find his way there eventually), or there could be a flat tire, or even a fender bender. That is life, and we cannot necessarily control what could come up. However, the point is, both parties cannot steer the car at the same time.
So it is with relationships. Once you define where it is you want to head, and how you hope to get there, there comes a point where you have to decide who is going to drive you there, and how the other party can best support it. This is, in fact, a form of surrender. You must exhibit trust and faith in your driver. If you don't, you are likely going to drive you both crazy. And no one appreciates a backseat driver!
The trick, of course, is to get into the car only with someone you have faith in, someone that you trust. So you must pick your partner wisely. I know I sure did :-)
That is the point, though. This is a practical relationship. I think people get hung up on the words "Daddy" and "Baby Girl." They are just labels that help us stay in the mindset where we always know who is steering, and who is surrendering. However, in doing so, I also know and trust he is going to make best efforts to get us safely to our destination.
And I'll tell you something - surrendering like that was the hardest thing I ever did. I had gained a deep level of responsibility at a very young age. It became deeply engrained in me, permeated every atom of my being. Surrendering control to someone else is the hardest thing imaginable for a girl like me.
However, I knew it was necessary. I knew I needed this, and that it made sense. And when I did so, something amazing happened: I grew softer. I grew more creative. I felt relaxed, on the deepest of levels, for the first time in my entire life. I gained strength, for as I surrendered, I gained the benefit of his strength.
And then....the feminine aspect which had been such a deep and lovely part of who I am, which had been forced into hiding oh-so-long-ago ...reappeared.
Now I revel in the feminine side. My daddy makes sure I'm dressed in the softest, most feminine of clothing, and treats me like a princess. He makes sure I always feel safe and cared for. He escorts me in the world, a font of strength ever at my side. His Maleness, his power, course through me, even as I am softening aspects of him through the influence of my own femininity. We are becoming, more with each passing day, a true circuit of masculine and feminine energy, meeting, sharing, exchanging, growing, more and more each day.
The 'name labels' are only a convenience, a preference for us. For me it helps me recall a time of innocence, a time of freedom, a time and space wherein I was able to revel in my feminine aspects freely. So I identify with the baby girlness within me, and epxress it in both an innocent and womanly way. For him, I suspect that "Daddy" helps remind him of the power of his strength and responsibility in the world. I believe these labels, therefore, serve to enhance and amplify our male and female aspects on the deepest of levels.
'Nuff for now. More soon :-)